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03/25/15

Love debate: Why 'I Love You' too soon can be relationship killer

How soon is too soon when it comes to saying 'I Love You?"
Those three little words tend to loom large over a variety of relationships, whether you've been dating for a few months or weeks, or even, in some cases, one night or as long as one year. The question about whether saying 'I Love You' is appropriate or not really needs to be done on a case by case basis, but there are a few rules of engagement that need to be thought through before you utter those very important, relationship altering words.
Saying 'I Love You' too soon could send the wrong message and scare away your significant other, while waiting too long could do the exact same, as the other person might feel as though you're never going to pull the proverbial 'I Love You' trigger and thus decide to opt out of a perfectly good relationship otherwise, simply because there's no commitment beyond spending time together, even if it is plenty of it.
The too soon element could derail a relationship if the person simply doesn't feel the same way about you. You might come across as looking a little desperate or trying to move the relationship ahead too quickly for anyone involved. The real back breaker is saying "I Love You" first and the person responds with not saying it back.
"Ouch," to say the least.

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The "I Love You" needs to occur when the timing is perfect, perhaps at a certain milestone from a time standpoint, such as the six month mark, one of the more popular times. If you think you're ready to say "I Love You" after a handful of dates, you might be confusing love with the newness and freshness of the relationship at hand. You have to realize that you're not the only person in the relationship, and your "I Love You" should be running fairly parallel to the other person.
You also want to pick up on verbal cues from your significant other as well. They may be bursting at the seams, ready to say those three words at any moment. You need to pick up on that, and act accordingly. They'll look at you a certain way, as if you're the only person in the room when you're not, or perhaps they'll grab your hand, caress it in more than just a friendly, first few dates manner.
Those types of things are a gateway into someone's heart, more so than them telling you how much they enjoyed the chicken at dinner.
Finally, don't confuse love with intimacy, which can come well before you're ready to say "I Love You." Emotions run high, feelings of love abound, but you should be saying those words when your head is clear and you're not saying it in the heat of the moment, so to speak.
Saying "I Love You" certainly changes the trajectory of the relationship, but you might want to temper those temptations to speak too soon on the subject.

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