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Resume as Planned: Your resume is flawed, even if you aren't

Fancy words, over exaggerated skill sets and insufferable rhetoric that sounds more like an instruction manual than your own voice typically define the average resume.
We've all been in this situation before, right? You dislike your job, and that's probably putting it mildly. You've been sending out inquiries, cover letters, resumes and filling out applications ad nauseum to the point that you're on the brink of simply giving up.
Or embellishing your resume just a bit.
Your desperation is perfectly understandable and so is your propensity to put forth the best resume as possible, even if that means being incredibly long winded in the process. What sounds like a remarkable idea actually could do more harm than good.
Everything about embarking on a new job is uncertain: the selection process, what goes through the mind of the person doing the hiring and if you'll even be called for an interview. The natural action of taking a resume and doctoring it up a bit allows you to have some say on what's happening. That control factor you're longing for is what convinces you it's all right to unnecessarily add to your work experience.

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Ask any competent human resources or personnel manager what makes or breaks a resume, and the number one answer that comes back is almost always the same: length. Listen, you're proud of every job you've had, but it's perfectly fine to lose the retail job you had when you were 16 years old from your resume.
The average resume only gets about 10 or 20 seconds of viewing time, so it's paramount to be precise without overindulging in your own ego. That love affair you have with your job history often translates into pages upon pages of expertise that finds its way to a garbage can pile much faster than the second interview one.
Resumes probably shouldn't be longer than two pages but preferably should only be one. That affords you plenty of time to showcase your skills without boring the person doing the hiring.
Once you've trimmed down your resume to a perfectly toned and tempered version of your abilities, your penchant for overdoing might rear its ugly head again in the form of font or format overload. Pick something simple, and avoid fonts that make it look like you're creating a poster or sign. The nuts and bolts of what you're saying, obviously, is of the utmost importance as well.
If you're applying for a sales manager job, don't bother with the pleasantries but rather statistics sell you more than the fact that you love dogs. You've increased sales by 10% over the first quarter or revenue for the last two years garners the attention of the company.
What isn't quite as eye catching and actually is viewed as a detriment is covering up career shortcomings with languishing language, instead of implementing a regimen of taut wording, honest working and the timeless act of persistence in perusing the career you want.

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