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Career killer: How not to make your first day your last one

Welcome to Monday morning, more specifically for some, the first day on the job.
You've spent countless hours leading up to this day, whether it was going over your resume carefully or crafting a cover letter that encapsulated your entire career experience and personal goals so you'd stand out from the crowd of applicants.
Now that you've made it through the first few interviews and finally got the call that said, "congratulations, we'd like to offer you the job," all that hard works seems to have paid off plenty.
Until you manage to unravel and undo all that work with one dumb, thoughtless move.
Now what that "move" is can be a variety of options, but messing up on your first day on the job isn't the best career decision.

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Easily the most "foot in the mouth" move you can pull off is trying to crack a joke that is neither funny nor appropriate. For the first few days of employment, you want to keep the wise cracks to a minimum but infuse personality that is more natural, rather than trying to be the funniest person in the office and instead transform into the class clown quickly.
Even the most innocent remark can be taken the wrong way, and as the new guy or girl in the office you want to lay low and get to know your co workers at a more realistic place.
Equally realistic is to assume that you were hired to work. Seem pretty simple, right?
You'd be surprised to find out that plenty of new employees barely get comfortable in their desk chair before they start asking for time off from work. If you're truly sick, take the time to get well. But don't start developing a reputation as an unreliable employee that is more self serving than selfless when it comes to your company and co workers.
Finally, and these two fall into the just plain dumb category, is using the internet inappropriately or speaking about your new boss as though you've worked with them for years. The latter is pretty easy to fix: stop talking negatively about your boss. And while you're at it, leave your old boss or past job out of it as well.
As far as your work computer, it isn't called that by accident. Use it for work only, steer clear of posting on Facebook or checking your Twitter feed. Even though most employees understand the policy of not using the internet for personal use, you'd be shocked to find that most at least attempt to do it.
And with that, their first day turns into their final one.

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